Dictionary For Mothers

Bottle Feeding: An opportunity for daddy to get up too

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the kids play outside

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots

Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him/her

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labour is still vivid

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say

Look Out:  What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own

Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it

Show Off:  A child who is more talented than yours

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and he/she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

Verbal:  Able to whine in words

Whodunnit: None of the kids that live in your house

 Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge!”







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