Dictionary For Mothers

Bottle Feeding: An opportunity for daddy to get up too

Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the kids play outside

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots

Full Name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him/her

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labour is still vivid

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say

Look Out:  What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own

Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it

Show Off:  A child who is more talented than yours

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies

Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and he/she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

Verbal:  Able to whine in words

Whodunnit: None of the kids that live in your house

 Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge!”

 

 

 

 

 

Exiles

In Memory of all those mothers and grandmothers who followed their men to the other side of their world.

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Exiled from home. The far sea rolls

My paternal grandmother, Eva Arida Fahkrey (Coory) 15yrs old & married,  Bcharre, Lebanon

between them and the country of their birth;

the childhood-turning impulse of their souls

pulls half across the earth. Exiled from home.

No mother to take care that they work too hard,

grieve not too sore;

no older brother nor small sister fair

no father any more.

Exiled from home; from all familiar things;

the low browed roof, the grass surrounded door;

accustomed labours that gave daylight wings;

loved steps on the worn floor.

Exiled from home. Young girls sent forth alone

when most their hearts need close companioning;

no love and hardly friendship may they own,

no voice of welcoming.

Blended with homesick tears the exile stands;

to toil for alien household gods she comes;

a servant and a stranger in our lands,

homeless within our homes.

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– Charlotte Perkins Gilman. (1914)

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See Immigration & The Promise

Letter To Elizabeth

Motherhood - The Ideal. Massimo Stanzione, Naples 1640s

Hello Elizabeth,

I do empathise with you although I wasn’t adopted myself, but two of my half siblings were. I wrote about them in my book ‘Whatever Happened To Ishtar?’. See more on my blog about the negatives of mother/child separation, adoption under category Adoption & Separation. I was abandoned by my mother and placed in an orphanage, but I at least knew who my biological parents were. In all the years I have met and spoken with adoptees, I only ever met one man who did not wish to trace his biological parents. What came of my talking to adoptees was that it didn’t matter how good or bad their parents were; what mattered to them was knowing who and what their bio parents were, and why they were given up for adoption. It seems to me that adoption itself isn’t always bad, it is how it is carried out.

In the past, women like my mother, were forced by Catholic nuns to give up their new born babies, and most of these mothers never recovered from their loss. See Philomena’s and Sheldon Lea’s stories on my blog. The nuns never allowed these mothers to contact their lost children; refused to pass on information about the adoptions or the mothers’ names. The suffering in these cases, for mothers, and children,  was  life-destroying.

I understand what you are saying when you talk about your dad’s spirit being with you. The father you didn’t get to meet. I feel the same about my mother. The emotional pain she transmitted to me, persisted until I finished writing the book and she finally was at peace. Take care. Anne.

Visit Adoption Critic for ‘Dear Incubator‘ letter and comments…….

More Women May Have Been Infected With Hep C

Sandra nervously waits for tests

Imagine having to wait for results of tests to find out  whether or not you have contracted Hep C at the hands of this monster James Latham Peters,  who really has no right to call himself a doctor.  Sandra has three children and her life could be at risk.  How many other women in Melbourne are are having to go through this hell?  I think Sandra is very brave to come forward.  The fact that  she was  having a procedure done for contraception and not for an abortion, may indicate that Mr Peters’  hatred for women runs much deeper than deranged support for the anti-abortion lobby.  There is obviously much more to come out about the background of this man.  And it will be interesting to find out why the Medical Board ever allowed Mr Peters to continue practicing as a doctor and why the clinics  employed this drug addict, prescription forger and possessor of child pornography (see post 27th October 2010).

Top News Brief:

A mother living in Melbourne has spoken of her fright because she thinks that even she is now a victim of hepatitis C epidemic related to anaesthetist, James Latham Peters.

As health authorities received almost 700 calls at the weekend from concerned people about their contact with Dr Peters, Sandra Sunkel- Lozell said that she decided to get herself tested for a hepatitis C outbreak connected to Dr. Peters’ Clinic, where he purportedly infected twelve patients with a strain of the blood borne illness.

The mother of three children informed The Age that she went to Croydon Day Surgery in the month of August to have contraceptive equipment fitted.

Though Dr. Peters did not have any involvement in her case, yet she is afraid that while undergoing her treatment, non-sterilized devices may have been used.

Victoria’s Chief Health Officer, Dr. John Carnie, said that the Health Department had been trying to get in contact with those people who had been there in Dr. Peters’ clinic for their treatment.

A spokesperson for the Medical Practitioners Board of Victoria said that Dr Peters had been suspended on 15 February, three days after the panel was informed about the accusations.

Sons & Mothers

The Book  ‘Sons & Mothers’ – eds: M & V Glendinning

Until the birth of  my long awaited daughter, I had three adorable sons.  But they were born to a mother who had been an emotionally damaged child.  As a little girl and teenager, I was quite frightened and mystified by the ways of boys and men.    What did I know of life, but especially of males, with my background of nunneries, convents and Bible stories?  But there was no doubt I loved each of my sons  deeply.

The relationships between sons and mothers can be intense and very, very loving, although sometimes fraught, and from this perspective of safety and comfort, as my little boys grew into men,  I learned the intricacies of the male psyche gradually over time. The sibling rivalry; the competition for dad’s respect and mum’s cuddles; the fisticuffs with each other and the wonder at the complexities and mysteries of the female.  When their sister arrived unannounced on the scene, (my eldest son was only four when I brought her home) my boys were aghast that she didn’t have a penis as they watched her first bath time at home, their eyes wide like saucers. Their male centred home  changed over night with this new fascination.

Then there comes the heartbreak they have to endure during adolescence and beyond, over this girl or that.  If only I could  spare them the pain they have to experience in life to become well-adjusted men, was then my angst.
My three boys are each very different personalities, so there is never a dull moment not even now when they are married with their own children.  How could a woman not understand men after raising three boys?  And now I am privileged indeed to have three grandsons to delight in and share anew their experience of life.  It is not an automatic right to share in your grandchildren’s lives as many grandparents will tell you.

As Victoria Glendinning tells us in a book of several mother/son personal stories edited by her and her son Matthew:  If I am anything to go by, all mothers are in love with their sons…it’s a savagely loving business.

……Whatever Happened to Ishtar?

‘A Passionate Quest To Find Answers

For Generations Of Defeated Mothers’

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The author has woven favourite poems into chapters; each poem relevant and poignant

‘Whatever Happened to Ishtar?’ – A  Gift Suggestion?

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Lebanese Settlers Reunion Dunedin, NZ 2011

Photos: Catholic Churches, Schools & Orphanages

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My Book ‘Whatever Happened to Ishtar?’ is made up of two books:

In Book I, I trace my Lebanese family history back through the mists of time to various places in the Middle East, then to Bcharre, from  where my paternal grandparents Eva and Jacob Fahkrey (Coory) emigrate to Melbourne in 1897 and from there on to Dunedin, New Zealand. Kahlil Gibran came form the same village as Eva and Jacob and was related to them through marriage.

In Book II, I trace my mother’s Italian family back to such places as southern Italy, Sicily, Pistoia, Lucca, Pisa, Florence,  and northern Italy’s border with Switzerland.   I document my own mother’s descent in to  severe bipolar disorder and the way it impacted on the lives of her children.

More than anything else, Roman Catholic dogma binds together the Lebanese and Italian branches of my family tree. However, I believe that their adherence to this system of beliefs is one of the  fundamental reasons as to why so many of the women became defeated mothers.

The two separate branches of my family tree intertwine in New Zealand when my mother, Doreen Frandi, an ex-nun,  becomes pregnant to Phillip George Coory, son of Eva and Jacob, at the closing stages of the Second World War.  Phillip is already married with a young son.  What happens from then on begins an almost unbelievable  chapter of events in Dunedin and has ramifications for following generations of mothers.

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Song Of Ishtar

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Most of all, this book proves two things: Our lives can be pre-ordained by the tragedies of our ancestors’ lives, and a child’s spirit can survive the cruelest of beginnings, to take on the world.

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Second Edition copies of ‘WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ISHTAR?’ can be ordered via online booksellers NOW:  Amazon, The Nile NZ, Booktopia, & other selected book shops including university book shops in Australia and NZ.

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Alternatively, request a copy at your local library in New Zealand or Australia.

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When ordering it may help to quote one or other of the following:

ISBN-10: 1921642955     or      EAN-13: 9781921642951

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Back cover second edition – click on image to read synopsis

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BOOK REVIEWS, COMMENTS:

Note from my nephew, Dean Marshel Courté 1 May 2013

…

Hi Anne, lm sitting at a cafe in Sofia, Bulgaria, and thought l’d let you know that l just finished re reading properly, your book last weekend and like l’ve already mentioned to you, your work is outstanding. l have a complete picture now of yours and Tony’s and my dad’s lives in that difficult time. l just can’t believe how terrible your situation was and the way they treated you all. Just for your info, my adopted mother lived in Dunedin too and was a dress maker for your aunties; she remembers them very well.

Luv. Deano

…

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MOMOBOOKBLOG REVIEW    …  How much can a person endure, especially a little child. This heart-rendering account of Anne-Frandi Coory’s life is a proof that we can live through a lot of hardship and still turn out to be passionate and affectionate people, in this case a wonderful woman and mother of four children even though she was an abandoned and abused child herself.

The author goes back to the history of her Lebanese-Italian family and all the troubles her ancestors went through before reaching New Zealand… MORE…

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Rita Roberts

Rita Roberts, retired archeologist, Crete, and author of  ‘Toffee Apples & Togas’  -

‘Whatever Happened to Ishtar?‘  by  Anne Frandi-Coory  is a book I could not put down. It tells of Anne’s terrifying upbringing as a child and later on in life the long quest to trace her family. Written with such passion that once read one thinks of the old saying, ‘There for the grace of god go I’. This book I would recommend to all families,especially mothers, in fact, to everyone.

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       Rachael Dunphy Van Asch- facebook comment:

I am loving your book – I started reading it straight away… Isn’t it amazing that when you know someone, you don’t know what is really going on in their life? I always saw you as a fun loving mother of 4 busy kids, with the wonderful Paul by your side. I loved staying with you all. I loved your home and its romantic decoration, I loved your sense of warmth and your zest for life. When you went off to Uni, you inspired me to be a life long learner – its never too late! You are amazing and have had the most incredible journey to become and even more amazing grandmother and mature woman. I love you and will always hold you in such high esteem.

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Pete & Neralie Hannam NZ – facebook comment:

…But I didn’t get a chance to read it first, it’s been commandeered by Neralie, “it’s been powerfully written”.

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MOMO – International Book Group Online – Location: The Netherlands:

Whatever happened to Ishtar? by Anne Frandi-Coory, the biography of a woman from New Zealand with Lebanese-Italian parents. This book was recommended to me by a person in Australia. Not for the faint-hearted but very good.

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Dean Marshe-Courté

        Dean Marshe-Courté, Hungary  facebook comment:

Reading my Aunty’s [Anne Frandi-Coory] book; “Whatever Happened to Ishtar?” Its fab and very informative regarding the family history. Dad [Kevin Coory], its worth a read buddy. (-:

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Marion Groves’ Tweets:

30/08/2011 > Night girls, dying to get back to my book. Am reading “Whatever Happened to Ishtar” by @afcoory Highly recommend! @lunarchic @externallylaws

6/09/2011 > @PhilosophyQuotz @MarionGroves Your descendants shall gather your fruits. Virgil (ping @afcoory ) > Maybe I should have used this title for ‘Whatever Happened To Ishtar?’

6/09/2011 >No, your title is provocative & thought-provoking, as is your book. I was sorry when I had finished it. @afcoory

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Wendy O’Hanlon -   Click – A Cultural Connection:

ISHTAR, according to Phoenician legend, is the great mother goddess. But author Anne Frandi-Coory grew up without close contact with her mother. In this painful re-telling of her family history, the author explores how generations of her family have lived thwarted, sad and unfulfilled lives because of a cruel twist of fate and even crueller family behaviours.

The author grew up in an orphanage, ostracised by her Lebanese father’s family. She rarely saw her Italian mother who spent many years in asylums and endured horrific shock treatments. She has tried to trace her siblings and re-establish relationships – with and without success, with heart-rending surprises and tragedies.

The author is now living a fulfilled life but needed to face these demons of her family history to try to make sense of life and purpose. There is true courage in her words. Her childhood was very lonely. Hers is such a searing, heart-tearing story.

The author painstakingly documents the history of her family back through the generations of Italian and Lebanese faces and stories. What is ironic is that she uncovers the rich cultural history of these families and the fact that such wonderful traits and traditions were all but lost to modern generations as her family tree fractures again and again.

For the reader, there is much to learn about the history of these great cultures as Frandi-Coory meticulously delves into ancient stories and legends. There is also much to learn about the strength of the human spirit – that a life with purpose can be lived despite a crippling beginning.

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JOHN MORROW’S PICK OF THE WEEK

This is an autobiography cum family history from a strong woman who has overcome the odds to come out a successful and wonderfully strong person.

There are not many happy childhood memories when Anne recalls her earlier life in Dunedin.   Anne spent her formative years at the Orphanage for the Poor.  There she was indoctrinated into the world of the Roman Catholic religion. Prayers, bible study and chores were not the practical things that would prepare a damaged young girl for life out in the wide world.

Anne’s story is a revelation of cruelty and mind games which set her on a path of self-doubt.  It is little wonder that she has been on a life journey that has been harrowing, but ultimately, triumphant.

Anne’s story is painful and, at times, difficult to read.  However, she has my absolute admiration for rising above the adversity of her childhood to become the confident woman she is today.

Thanks Anne, for sharing your story.

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Author Photograph:  Robb Duncan

Anne Frandi-Coory

BRIEF BIO OF AUTHOR:

Growing up in an orphanage, raised by strict Catholic nuns, abused by her father’s Lebanese family in Dunedin. This beginning did not prepare Anne Frandi-Coory well for the realities of life.  But she overcame the continual threat of hellfire and brimstone, escaping into marriage and children as a teenager, while trying to find out who she was.  Then followed divorce, and diverse short careers;  interior decorator, estate agent, joint owner of a café/caterer. Always looking for new challenges while becoming bored with the old, Anne then went to university and gained a degree in Sociology after which she worked for a short time as a child case worker in the NZ Dept of Social Welfare.  Not content with that, she travelled the world with her partner and daughter, and then wrote her first book ‘Whatever Happened To Ishtar? – A Passionate Quest To Find Answers For Generations Of Defeated Mothers’.   The book was the result of fifteen years of research, interviews, and note-taking, and is selling worldwide.